Signs you should let your kid quit lessons

July 31, 2021 Laurel Sanders

Signs you should let your kid quit lessons

Ever ask yourself, “Is this a sign that my kid should quit music lessons?” Let me answer that question for you.

They hate practicing

No. Everyone hates practicing at least some of the time. Hating practicing may not be a reason to quit lessons, but it is a problem you should address. There are tons of helpful articles online (and on this blog) about how to practice music well and how to help a child practice.

They are not self-motivated enough to practice

No, no, no, no, NO! Do NOT mistake a child’s inability to plan their own schedule or reason out long-term cause and effect for lack of sufficient interest in music lessons. Kids have to be shown how to plan and manage their time before they can do it on their own; how much they have developed these abilities has nothing to do with how much they like or benefit from music lessons. Not practicing well or not practicing enough really holds back a student’s progress, which will make them start to dislike lessons, even if they like music and do really want to learn. If you expect your child to practice on their own without any prompting or assistance, you’re sabotaging their love of music in what is guaranteed to be a failed attempt at teaching them to handle responsibility the way adults do. Help your kid set and follow a practice schedule, and help them learn practice strategies.

They don’t want to perform

No. Performing can be tough, and it’s an important developmental experience for kids and a big part of what music is all about, but there’s much more to music lessons than preparing to play or sing in front of an audience. Even if a student never learns to like performing, there’s still a lot of positive experience they can get out of taking lessons and learning to make music. If they really can’t face their fear, you can find a teacher or a studio that doesn’t require recital participation.

They want to do something else

Maybe. What else is it they want to do? Play more games on their phone? Nah. But what if they want to join a sports team? Play a different instrument? Study chess? Okay! There’s only so much time in a day, and kids deserve a chance to pursue whatever inspires them. Let them participate in whichever activities are the most meaningful to them.

They are too busy to practice

Maybe. If your child is too busy to practice, then they need to quit something. You have to pick which activities to prioritize, and if you don’t pick music lessons, that’s okay. It’s up to you and your child. But practicing is part of taking lessons, and you have to make room for it in the schedule somehow.

They are tone-deaf, have no sense of rhythm, or have a bad-sounding voice

No. Anyone can get better at music - that’s what the lessons are for! And there’s still value in learning, even if you never become very “good.” Studying music helps people become music lovers who listen thoughtfully and enjoy a wide variety of music, and the experience of taking lessons, especially if it’s not so easy for you, builds character and develops learning strategies that apply to any field of study.

They are not getting any better

No. Learning doesn’t always happen at a steady, predictable pace. Ask your teacher if they think your child has plateaued, and, if so, why. It may just be part of their learning journey, not the end. Lack of apparent progress isn’t a reason in itself to stop trying, but feeling like you aren’t making progress can be a motivation killer. The student might benefit from a different approach, or another teacher. If everything else is going right - they’re practicing regularly and well, they have a good relationship with their teacher, they like music, they enjoy having lessons - lack of improvement is no reason to quit.

They don’t enjoy music

Yes. Don’t draw this conclusion too quickly; you want your child to give music a chance for a little while to see if it grows on them. Your kid may be telling you they “hate music,” but it’s extremely likely that it’s something else about taking lessons that they’re reacting to. Find out what that could be - is it the schedule? The expectations? The teacher? The song selection? The instrument? Try some adjustments, and give it some time to see if your kid will find or develop a connection to music. Some people just don’t find any music appealing, though. Have you ever seen your child dance or sing along, or at least perk up a little, when they hear a song they like? If the answer is no, then it’s fine to give music lessons a pass.

They are anxious, stressed out, crying, angry, or frustrated about lessons or practice

Maybe. Persistent negative emotions or outbursts related to music lessons are a sign that something needs to be addressed, possibly with a counselor or therapist. Look out for emotional dullness or disengagement, too; those symptoms are less dramatic, making them harder to spot, but they’re no less worthy of concern. The underlying cause could be something that music lessons will help them work through. Or, possibly, the best thing for your child’s well-being may be to pause or stop lessons. Talk to your child about how they feel and why, and definitely consult an expert for help on this situation.

They hate their teacher

No, but shop around for a different teacher! You should have a talk with the teacher about the kid’s unhappiness before you decide to sign up with another instructor; it may be possible to improve the relationship. Your current teacher may even be able to recommend a colleague who would be a better fit for your child.

They are asking to quit

Maybe. Talk to your kid - not just one time, but as an ongoing conversation - about why they are taking lessons, how they feel about music, and why they want to quit. Children and teens often want to quit when things are hard, in an effort to avoid emotions they don’t know how to handle. Help them identify, express, and manage those feelings so they can rise to the challenge of studying music, or your kid will grow up into yet another adult who regrets quitting music lessons. There may be no underlying issue, though, and your kid may simply be certain they have tried their best for long enough to know that they are not interested in taking lessons anymore. If you believe they’re not going to get any further benefit from studying music, then let them stop.

It seems expensive

No. Reconsider your budget. There is a copious amount of research about the long-term educational and developmental benefits of music study. Good music instruction isn’t cheap, but it’s worth it!

You truly can’t afford their lessons anymore

Yes. If you have financial difficulties, see if your teacher can accommodate your situation, or look for another teacher you can afford. Don’t give up on finding your child affordable or free opportunities to express themselves through music, like a community or religious choir or school music programs and extracurriculars, but, ultimately, you can’t spend money you don’t have, so don’t feel bad if you have to choose to stop lessons, temporarily or permanently.