11 ways to be a supportive music parent
11 ways to be a supportive music parent
Behind every successful music student are supportive adults - parents, guardians, and family members whose help and caring pave the way for a child’s accomplishments, more than they may even realize. Learning to sing or play an instrument is always an emotional journey, something that changes you and becomes part of who you are. Children need to feel safe and be well provided for when they make that journey.
Do you want to support a young music student in your life, but you’re not sure what to do? Here are 11 ways you can help them.
1. Make listening, singing, and playing part of life.
Even if you know nothing about music or your singing is terrible, explore and engage with all different kinds of music. Listen to some kind of music in the car or during breakfast or as some part of your routine every day. Don’t forget about soundtracks in movies and TV - call your child’s attention to the way music enhances the experience. If you love music, your child will, too.
2. Create a family culture of valuing music study.
Don’t just value music, value lessons. A student’s motivation to learn is grounded in their perception of the importance of what they’re doing. Jealously guard the time you’ve set aside in your child’s schedule for practice and lessons, and don’t let competing interests compromise it. Model the attitude that music study is meaningful and worthwhile.
3. Provide the right physical space for practice.
A music student needs at least one dedicated practice location that is free from distraction. The privacy, cleanliness, and comfort of this space is a huge factor in whether the student will be able to practice well and enjoy learning. It could be a whole room or just a special corner of the living room or their bedroom. They’ll need learning materials to work from, too. Buy or acquire all the books and tools your teacher recommends and do whatever you can to get a good instrument and keep it in good repair.
4. Get to know the teacher.
Learn about the teacher and get a sense of their personality and their approach to music study. Music lessons work best when they’re a team effort, so spend some time talking with the teacher to build your team strategy. The teacher should be someone both you and your child can respect and get along with. Make sure the student is developing a good relationship with their teacher and communicating well with them. You can help build this relationship, but you should also be sensitive to whether it’s not the right connection for your child. A teacher your child finds intimidating or unpleasant is not the right one for them.
5. Understand the goals, big and small, that your child is working towards.
Know their practice assignment each week. Know what recitals, exams, or auditions they’re preparing for and when those will happen. Find out from your teacher what overarching technical skills the student is developing. Ask your child what they want to achieve someday - maybe it’s a piece they want to perform or an ability they want to have. When you’re aware of goals and progress, you can help keep your child motivated, and when they achieve a goal, you can celebrate with them.
6. Find the sweet spot for high standards without high pressure.
Students only take pride in achievements that truly have value. If you set the bar too low and act like every single thing the student does is amazing and perfect, they will hate it. Kids know that kind of enthusiasm is fake. It’s actually discouraging to a student to hear candy-coated compliments all the time, because it tells them you don’t think they’re capable of genuine achievements. Likewise, if you constantly help them with practice and tell them the answers, they’ll never feel a sense of accomplishment. They may need your help at first, when they’re learning to practice effectively, but you have to take off the training wheels at some point.
On the other end of the spectrum, students will feel hopeless and unmotivated if your expectations for their achievements are unattainably high, or if you criticize their shortcomings frequently. Progress in music lessons often stalls when a child fears the consequences of failure too much to make a genuine effort. Whenever you’re unsure what expectations would be reasonable, ask the teacher for guidance.
7. Attend every performance and invite others!
There’s no better way to show support than to show up. Your enthusiastic, engaged presence at a performance communicates the value you place on music study and your pride in your child better than any words ever could. When a student sees friendly faces in the audience and hears the applause of people they care about, it makes all their hard work worth it.
8. Support every student, not just yours.
Express interest in and enthusiasm for musicians in general. At recitals or when meeting other students informally at your lesson location, give compliments and ask questions. When your child sees you doing this, they will know that you aren’t just supporting their music studies because they’re your kid, but that you truly value the development of musical skill and knowledge. Your compliments and curiosity will be a great benefit to the other students, too.
9. Compliment your child.
The easiest way to show your support for a music student is to recognize their accomplishments. It’s nice to say “Great job!” when they play or sing, but it’s more meaningful if you praise something specific, like how much they’ve learned and improved, how expressively they play, or how patiently they work on their practice assignments. Be sincere and thoughtful. They’ll know you’re paying attention to them, and they’ll know you care.
10. Publicly build them up.
Don’t go too far and embarrass them, but express your pride and confidence in the student to others. Your child’s pride in their own accomplishments needs to be bolstered by outside validation. Your opinion surely means a lot to them, and while it’s important for them just to hear you tell them you’re proud, knowing that you brag about their achievements to others lets them know you really, really meant it!
11. Talk to your child and listen to them.
You can’t help with a problem you don’t know about. Make time for frequent conversations about how lessons are going. Studying music is a deeply emotional experience for most people. As an adult caregiver, you have to help your child learn to identify and manage their emotions. Validate your child’s feelings and experiences. You can also help them navigate difficulties or prepare them for challenges they might face in the future.
Notice something about all of these ways to show support? You don’t need to know anything about music to do them! Leave all the music stuff to the teacher; your job as a family member is to give practical help and emotional support. Use these strategies to help your young music student flourish.
